Monday, June 27, 2011

Day 88; Love,Love,Love.

Day 88; Operation Deployment.

 my heart is just, torn to pieces today.
i got an extremely heartfelt email from my husband, he showed me his heart once more. he tells me, he wants to do this together, because he doesn't know what a family is. he wants Ryder to grow up with both parents, doing things the right way, so our babies never have to live the way he did. he told me that i look so good as a mommy now, it just seems to fit. and i know when i see him with Ryder, i will bawl my eyes out at how perfect it is. the way he was talking, he wasn't Little Mikey anymore. he wasn't that boy that wasn't a Daddy. he gets it now, and he wants a family. he can't wait to try for another baby. he told me, he has a purpose. his purpose is me, and our babies. he now has something to live for, something he never had before. it made me fall in love with him, all over again.
"Ima strive as hard as i can to the best fit for our family no matter what it takes, blood, sweat, tears, depression, hunger, loneliness, anger,
just what ever stands there in our way ill knock it down blow it up or find a way around. i will do anything for you, and our family. I mean it with all my heart."
[my beautiful husbands words.]
Michael and I will never be that perfect couple. we're going to have our fights or two. and i might think about leavin. but who am i kiddin? he's the only one that knows me inside and out, he's my best friend and he's never not been there for me. with every fight we have, we get a little bit stronger. two people that are meant to be together, do through so many things that are meant to tear them apart, but they overcome each and every one of them and grwo stronger because of it. that's, what we are. for the past two years, everyone and everything have been trying to tear us apart. and here we are, planning our next kids

before me, Mike never wanted to get married, never wanted to settle down or start a family. he wanted sex, but that's all those chicks were, fucks. within two weeks of us knowing each other, we both turned each others worlds upside down. honestly, i can't tell you which exact moment began to define us, August 15th, 2009 was more than likely it. but tonight, tonight was one of those defining moments, when i woke up from a nap with our son to see his heart spilling out in my Yahoo! he means so much to me. i love him with all my heart. and i can't wait for him to come home, the three of us laying and giggling and playing in bed, just as it should be. tradin kisses and talking about who we will soon be. our perfect little family. <3

i wonder if she reads this.
if she does, she will know i'm talking about her and know that, despite all things, i do really care about her. i just had to do what was best for my family.
i still read her blog, i check up on her. she still holds a special piece of my heart. and my heart aches for her. she seems to be having a really difficult time in her life, with family, friends. and i just want her to know that she isn't alone. and if she died, i could never forget her. i hope that, one day soon, her life finds the correct path for her, that she feels no more pain in all of her days. expect the tears of loving her life so much. i am happy that she found a man that she feels for, as i felt about Mike in the beginning. i hope every hurt that se feels today, makes her stronger for tomorrow. 
and she needs to know, that she means the world to me, even if we no longer talk. i hope that one day we can find our way back into each others lives, without hurts and insecurities. please, guardians, help my friend find her way. <3

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