Sunday, September 25, 2011

day 177; rest in paradise sweet baby girl.

day 177; operation deployment.

today, a beautiful baby girl passed away. i did not know her, i did not know her mother, but i care about them both very, very much. aubree rose was born 5lbs and 14oz. she was in and out of this world, in 3 hours time. as i sat at my macbook and read the news from a close friend of mine, tears fell down my face. i cried, for someone i had never met.
aubrees mother, is a young mother and at first was not sure she wanted to continue the pregnancy. but she fell in love with her unborn baby. a few weeks ago she had a doctors appointment, thinking maybe this was it. my friend and her, sat in her baby girls nursery, hanging pink clothes on little hangers, everything set up. they went to the doctors, my friend holding her video camera, just in case. 
when that wasn't the case at all.
the doctor told aubree's mother than she would give birth to a daughter that wouldn't live more than 24 hours. aubree had thanatophoric dysplashia. her little chest was just too small, and her lungs would not grow. she was told, when her daughter was born, she would not look normal. that she would carry her daughter until it was time for her to come. and when she said hello, she must also say, goodbye. 
i am 22 years old. i have a 5 month old son. and i could not imagine what this strong young woman is going through. she carried aubree, kicking, hiccuping, and moving around until aubree decided, it was time to say hello, and goodbye. she went into labor last night and the young couple prayed for the best. 
aubree rose, did not make it. 
her mom, went in, with a kicking, wiggling, little baby. and gave birth to her daughter. her beautiful daughter, whom everyone loved so much already. she will be discharged tomorrow, walking out of the hospital with empty arms, to a house with no crying baby, no diapers to change, no formula to buy.
all i have seen on facebook today is pissing, whining, and moaning. 
your cell phone stopped working.
you havent seen your boyfriend in a few days.
you can't decide what you want to cook for dinner.
and you, you women that are pregnant. and complain about horomones, cravings, morning sickness. i want to slap each and every freaking one of you. have you no respect for yourself or your unborn child?! be THANKFUL for every little piece of pregnancy you endure. praise everything that is worthy that you will never lose your child as my friends best friend did. you have no idea how disgusted you have made me today, all of you! because of what this beautiful woman went through. you all are so ungreatful.
everyone takes life for granted. i know well enough to try my best not to. because there was many nights i didn't think i would make it through the night.
what i went through with ryder, everything before he was born, and everything now. he could be screaming his head off at this very moment. i wouldn't care, because my son is here. he is alive, breathing, and healthy. while another baby was ripped away from her mother, without standing a chance in this world.
it kills me, how i have never met this woman and yet, i have more respect and care for her more than i care about half of my friends on facebook. talking about how "abortion" is wrong. when none of you, not one of you, understands a god damn thing in this world when it comes to babies! or what your life might be like, or what theirs will be like. i'm so sick of everyone! who only think about themselves and not anyone else. you, you all rub your perfect little stupid lives in everyones faces, while all over the world, mothers lose their children, husbands die in war, brothers stop talking to their sisters, a single mother struggles...
shut the fuck up.
and take a look at your life.
your husband sleeping upstairs, safe and sound in america.
your children tucked in bed after three full meals a day, clean clothes and a bath.
look down at your belly. the place where a little tiny living being. his or her heart is beating.
and take a look at yourself.
your life isn't that bad, stop complaining.
you have it easy.

it took, something this gigantic, to happen to me, to slap me in the face. a beautiful girl whom i have never met, or talked to, only have as a friend on facebook. to make me realize, that people make me so disgusted. i never expected something like this to affect me whatsoever. but it did. i bawled my eyes out, curled in a ball, at the hurt this even caused me. and wishing there was something that i could do.
and i realized, i want to delete over half of the people from my page so i didn't have to read about their happy lives that they complain about every day.

i try so very hard not to complain. hence why i rarely post negativity on facebook, and friday i was in a bad mood so i didn't post.
because i.
i am a lucky one.
and even though life is tough and sometimes it sucks. and i can't wait to catch a break from this everyday marathon, i know.
that i have been given such an easy life compared to some.

lindsay, i love you.
ashley, i'm here for you.
aubree rose, watch over your mommy and daddy and auntie lindsay.
don't worry ashley and andrew. i promise, promise, promise you.
that my gaurdians will forever look after her, and never let her forget how much you both loved her.

Aubree Rose.

1 comment:

  1. This made me cry... especially the last part. I feel relief knowing I could tell someone how extremely painful this all was... and that person could understand. Not understand by saying "oh honey, I'm so sorry" and then change the subject... someone who cries with me and wants to know details. It just makes me feel better knowing that even if you're on the other side of the country, you can still be an amazing friend. Thank you.