day 158; operation deployment.
today, was a good day.
i have been noticing, ever since i had my mirena taken out. that life isn't so bad. i handle things differently now. i don't get as irritated. mike and mo both have noticed how much happier i seem. which doesn't make much sense to me. how can birth control effect my brain like that? the day i got it out, my brain felt, lighter i guess i can say. the little things that bugged me before, that i knew were stupid, don't anymore. i feel and act more upbeat, i don't have nearly as many depressing thoughts. this.. kills me. something that is suppose to help my life, is hurting me to much. when i talked to my mom about it all, we noticed too. that my moods got completely out of hand when i was on birth control in high school and thats when i had all my "episodes"
and the same thing happened when i went on Mirena.
now, i'm absolutely terrified to get on the nuvaring. but i know having another baby right now just isn't an option. i have no idea what to do.
today we went to palm springs. we had intentions to go to michaels for items to make our signs with, which we are pulling an all nighter doing tomorrow! annnnd, we just never got there. lmao. we ended up at home goods, which i am now, addicted to! and we got a ton of cute things for our HOMES. i am pretty satisfied with the way our home looks, completely different then when mike left, so i hope he likes it. and i believe i'm just about finished for right now. so now we can save all our money for leave! we went to arbys, which was beyond orgasmic. i miss the little things, like different places to eat out here. and then the mall. we found mo her ball dress, and tried on ugly dresses. we make a good team ya know? we switched off carrying ryder and pushing the stroller. we tried on clothes and i totally jacked a pair of jeans that we both loved, but they didn't quite fit her, but they did me. haha. we made stupid jokes about things, and ended up laughing until we were crying. we got smoothies and i got two books to entertain me when she's in oklahoma and LA. once she gets back from LA, it's just a matter of about less than two weeks before the guys get back. so i can't freaking wait for her to leave, lmao.
tanning has begun for homecoming and the ball and i have to say. after my body not seeing sun for over a year, i am one bacony lobster at the moment. but i will be lookin mighty fine when my husband gets off that bus.
honestly, i love mike.
i fall more and more in love with him every time we talk. he's proving to be such an amazing man, i am still absolutely shocked at the change.
he ordered ryders halloween costume to the house, his decision alone, and will surprise us when it gets here. his first choice on his own as a daddy. and its freaking adorable.
his mom keeps asking to come here, and i am so very glad he has taken the situation into his own hands. he has emailed her now four times telling her he would prefer it just the three of us, that theres things we need to catch up on, and we will see her when we go there for easter, hopefully.
each time she tries to find a new way to come here, and she isn't getting it.
i finally had to step into the situation, she was crossing the line. making this all about her, instead of thinking of our family. and she hadn't gotten it through her head after four emails from her son. i was pleased with how the email came out, and how amazingly i handled it all, thanks to the mirena? i just can't stand that she is now disrespecting her own son and not listening to him, when he tells her how he feels and what his mind has made up. it hurts to see him so annoyed over it. and how she emails him only once a flippin week. she doesn't seem to care about any of us. she isn't my sons grandmother just because she gave birth to my husband. i won't let ryder grow up with someone like that, who doesn't care about him. i've told her countless times that if she wanted to know updates on him, just to ask and i would answer her, same with photos. i deleted her off facebook hoping she would reach out to me. her, saying she wanted to forget the past and start over, for the sake of my son. but she hasn't been the woman her son, my son, and i need her to be to be in our lives. i have given her one more chance to ryders sake. but she needs to make amends with me, and learn to respect both michael and i, before that can take place. but if nothing happens again, we just have to let her go.
any bets on if she will understand and try?
or be booted from our lives for good?