Thursday, September 22, 2011

day 173; decisions.

day 173; operation deployment.

today, MO came back home.
and we decided to go to the college and job fair on base today.
i can honestly tell you, the thought of going back to school excites me. even though i'm pretty bummed i will be doing it online. good thing because then i will never have to be apart from my baby boy, but i really wanted more of a college experience. that's alright, i enjoy the sacrifice. :)
we are both looking into criminal justice, me, as usual!
as much as i think i would enjoy psychology, every time i read a murder mystery, watch svu, read something in the paper, i get that little tingle. like i know it's the one thing i want to do. and i know it won't be easy. but with her, it will be a little easier. besides, study dates away from the husbands. haha, just kidding guys!
annnd, thanks to miss amber for watching indy, i get to go to LA with her for a week with her. our final little get away and BANG before the guys come home. which is WAY soon after we get back so this week is going to be hella crazy busy getting things done. so all we have to do when we get back is wait, and relax. and enjoy the end of Deployment. gah!!

i also had to make another tough decision tonight, one i didn't expect to have to go so far as making.
i have made the final choice not to allow my mother in law in ryder or i's life.
as i said earlier in the week, after countless emails, and no response, i was done and had enough.
she emailed me a week and a half ago, and texted me last week and i didn't respond. this, is my way or being polite. well, she took it further.
i get a friend request from a "doreen" a few days ago. it took me a few minutes to put the name together, but she is one of trish's friends. whom, i have never met. first, you can't search kimberly nelson, or michael nelson, and come up with our name on facebook. trish must have given her the link to it. she had the nerve to attempt to add me, clearly the request was denied. when i went to my mother in laws page to block her, once again, because she can't respect me enough to stay off my page, i saw that doreen had posted two albums from MY page, to trish's. apperently i had them open to the public. but to go to the lengths to post them to her wall?! so, they were both blocked, along with tiffany. they can't respect me enough to call him by the correct name, or ask me for photos, so they go and stalk me on the internet. when i have told them countless times. you want to see ryder, you have to ask. i won't allow them in my personal life and allow them access to information they do not need to know. they have yet to ask to see pictures. and they have done nothing to deserve me going out of my way, like i always do, to send them any. later that night trish got on yahoo messenger and sent me an IM. she automatically went off on me saying...
"Well, I have tried to communicate with you but you do not respond. It is okay for you not to communicate for a few weeks but not for me.  I didn't quit communicating until you said it was to hard to keep up without a computer and I was giving you the chance to get it running again and I am the bad guy. Not.  So I guess I have to wait until Mike gets home to find out about our grandson because apparently you are deleting my emails to him."
first, i have deleted one email from his mom, one email from his sister. they were both complaining about how terrible their lives are, giving themselves a little pity party. and honestly, mike doesn't need that out there. no one does. i deleted them and i told mike about it. he didnt ask me not to. he knows, whatever he asks of me, i will or will not do. but other than that, he doesn't even care to respond anymore! he's constantly saying "i dont know what to say back" so, he just doesn't. so, she just assumes i delete them. lady, i have a life, i don't monitor my husband emails like you seem to think i do. i knew that bitchy one was comin because you sent me the same shit the day before. not my problem that you're so annoying your own son wants nothing to do with you!
so, i was rather proud of my husband. he laid it out for her. told her, to stop trying to get ways to see ryder. it was no ones fault but their own for treating me as they did and i have every right to hang onto the terrible things they did. he was sick of them treating me like crap, it was making him mad. that the drama would stop one way or another, they wouldnt see ryder until i was ready, and if they didn't like it, he's gonna say "peace" to them as well. 
tonight, she replied.
she told him that he is only getting only one side of the story. that i was sending her "not so nice" emails. [which, SN, i read to monique and my mom before i ever send anything because i don't need MORE drama from this woman, all i want is to get my point across and get her to get it through her thick skull what we're trying to say!]  that she has been nothing but nice to me, that all she has been trying to do was help. that "just because she hasn't sent something every month to you or Ryder, i'm not worth a shit." and "she don't (ugh, she has no grammar sense!) realize that i have to pay all my own bills because i don't have a husband to help me, so i can't send things like her mom and dad do."
and then she goes on telling him that she wasn't trying to add me to facebook, that i had blocked her from seeing my page. that doreen had asked what ryder looked like, so she sent her to our page and apparently accidently hit the "add friend" button because her "keypad is super sensitive."

did anyone else just palmface?!?

first, save the sob story. my parents struggle to get by everyday. but they still do all that they can for ryder. nor do they send things every month for him. but i DO talk to my mom every day and she does ask questions about ryder. she knows more about him than mike does right now. she's involved without being around. caring about my son isn't constantly sending him gifts. that helps mike and i out. loving and caring about him is know what's going on in his life, getting to know him constantly because he always changes. my mom knows his favorite foods, how much he eats and how often, how he likes to sleep, what makes him happy, everything. that's being a grandparent. not every so often asking, "how is ryder?" because i'm going to tell you he's fine.

p.s. trish. YOU chased that husband of yours away. i have met the man and i am pleased he isn't having to deal with you anymore. want to cry about not having a husband? look in the mirror. you were a one night stand and got you knocked up and he stuck around. that takes a real man to do. he's a great guy and he loves his son. he loves his daughter in law, and his grandson as well. he showed that the three times i met him! more love and support than i ever will from you!

second of all, boo hoo. mean ole kimmy wasn't being very nice. which then, i was. now, i'm not.

and lastly. everyone look at a random profile.
look to the left, the profile photo.
look to the right, the "add friend" button.
now look back, and forth, really fast!
yep, look at that! opposite sides of the effing page.
and hey! if you accidently send a request. there's also a "cancel request" button.
who woulda thought?
i smell bullshit!

everyone says, "when you get married, you marry your in laws."
my mother in law is a psycho, my sister in law is a slut that's going nowhere in life, and my wonderful father in law, the best of the bunch, is never around or reachable.
none of them were present at my wedding, i don't marry a single one of them.

i married my beautiful michael. 
i had ryder, to have our family blossom.
and i love my son more than anything in this entire world, words can not begin to explain. 
and i just can't do this from him.
trish seems to be wanting to tear us apart. she never lets things lie and she whines to mike that his wife was being mean, and is almost telling him that i'm lying to him.
as much as i was worried in the beginning about what would happen to our little family, i'm not now. and he's going to choose us, EVERY time.
i know that i have no right in making mikes decisions in his life and i will not let this crazy woman come between us. he is still able to email, call, text, skype, whatever, this... thing. it's his mom, no matter how screwed up in the head she is. but he is not to mention either ryder, nor i. nor send photos of either one of us.
i have struggled to raise my child alone. i have lost sleep, weight, and hair doing so. i have calmed temper tantrums, kissed boo boos, solved a tummy issue.. everything. i'm his mom.
and the final word, is always mine.

good luck trish.

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