Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Day 48; beat me up.

Day 48; Operation Deployment.
Day 25; Baby Ryder.

Today, i very, very much miss my husband.
i think it all started last night when i was trying to sort through our pictures on our laptop to free up space and organize things better and i ran into old memories.
like the picture above.

before boot camp, Mike saw a video on YouTube of a Marine Drill Sergeant yelling at a Recruit.trying to get him to lose his bearing, making fun of the "pizza box" on his chest.
i never watched the skit, but when Mike did part of it, it always made me laugh.
whenever there was talk of him leaving, which he would always cover my ears.
or a commercial or Marine movie on tv, in which he would cover my eyes.
he would do it for me to get me to smile.
i recorded it once, it's on the end of the photo slideshow i did when he left.
and this is a snapshot of the video. 
it goes:
:pizza, in a box. i train, i bungiejump, for free, for fun, on the weekends. you know why? because I'm a Marine, OORAH!"
i know, pretty retarded right? that was my husband.
he always knows how to make me laugh.

and then today Britney brought over the photo slideshow of all Ryders pictures.
this was after i went shopping for Care Packages 4 and 5. 
and i watched it, with my crying son in my arms, rocking him back and forth. and the songs REALLY hit me.
so, i started crying. 
and i continued to cry for a good 45 minutes afterwards.
all lost in pictures and thoughts, it hit me hard.
so, i let the Deployment beat me up tonight, knowing tomorrow, i'll just kick its ass back.
i miss you babe, like, a lot, a lot.
Homecoming isn't as far away as it was when you left.
i'm so thankful for that.
[projects for homecoming arrrre started.:) ]

a certain some bitch wanted to be posted about in my blog, but, she's out of our lives now.
you're welcome. :)

i love Michael.
i have such incredibly high hopes for us when he gets home.
i know things will change, be different, be where they need to be. he's a good man, and he's going to grow up and realize who and what are important. and what's best for his son.
i need to keep reminding myself, and stop letting people get to me.
because what he says to me, and only me, is the whole entire truth. everyone else just gets a piece of the story.
i remember him telling me this right before boot camp and i let that slip my mind in every shitty situation. i won't allow myself to get to that point anymore.
i know who i am, i know who he is. 
the him only Ryder and I will ever know.
we have come wayyy too far to turn around now, for things to fall apart.
i have absolutely no worries any longer.
no one else will ever matter. <3

Come Home Safe, and Soon, my wonderful, sweet husband!
you have A LOT waiting for you.
just the three of us.

Forever Forever.
Always, Always.

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