Monday, July 18, 2011

Day 109; :)

Day 109; Operation Deployment.
one of these days i will get some sleep.

i want to start this post off, with a smile.
for my mommy. :)
after my papa passed away last September, my mom has been battling my aunt on who would get the house that he built with his bare hands.
we grew up in a tiny two bedroom house that my mom never wanted in the first place. my dad promised her that they would move before number two came around. and here i am, number three, and i lived there until i was married and moved to California.
my aunt, oh there's many things i would like to say about her, but i will hold my tongue. lets just say the last words i ever spoke to her was calling her a bitch and walked 15 miles home instead of stayin around her.
when i was 9 weeks pregnant.
this fight. my moms, like me, has always gotten screwed over in life. and i'll tell you, it's a good thing I'm not in Indiana. i am so very tired of seeing my mom hurt. she's far too nice of a person to put her foot down and stick to her guns, which i have recently learned to do. so she sits there, and just lets life pass her by, all the while, falling to pieces.
she calls me tonight.
to tell me, while crying.
that she now has a new address.
my mommy inherited my grandfathers house, her dream, what she always wanted. i cried with her, this is such an amazing thing. my aunt wanted the house because she teaches dance in the basement, but since she is sick with cancer, she has decidd to retire, therefore, giving my mom the house.
if she changes her mind, the cancer won't be her killer.
it isn't all set in stone yet, there's a whole bunch of more crap to go through. but i am so very excited for her and how this is working out.
however. this also saddens me. i never imagined that by me moving out here, it might be the last time i ever set foot in my childhood home. where my little tree is, that i planted in the first grade. :(
the song "the house that built me" has now popped into my head and i can't help but get a little teary eyed. ::sighs::

speaking of the house we grew up in.
my "dead" brother. is 250 miles away from his new home in Muskugee, Oklahoma.
me, being an idiot, like i would EVER go see him, and not run him over. looked up how far it was from here to there. thinking maybe it was a short trip.
uh, it's 21 hours.
how does that make sense? is it really like, 10 hours or less from Indiana?
meh, sad, that we're going to be living closer and still won't ever see each other.
i can be honest and say, having 2,300 Miles between us made me a lot happier than the 1,300 that will not seperate us. but he better be thankful he's stopped in Oklahoma. the west coast ain't big enough for the both of us.

and my sister. pft.
a long time ago, she blocked me from facebook for calling her out. her and Kevin went without me to get mom a christmas gift of barry manilow tickets. they went so far as saying "these are from your kids..." like i was. a nobody.
so of course i was mad, and i told her so. she didn't like it, so she blocked me.
apparently her husband did too.
well, i went back on mikes old account to message them saying, ya know, it'd be nice if they wanted to see pictures of my son. and i scrolled through her status updates and was actually shocked to see that Ryder was born and i was recovering well. my mouth kinda dropped, warmed me a little bit inside. she actually, cared a little.

moving out here, made me realize.
i don't have a family any longer.
well, of course other than Michael, Ryder, and my mommy and daddy.
i have talked to Kelly a handful of times. clearly, Kevin none at all. he couldn't even make time to say goodbye to me, because he was "busy"
even Matt and Meg, never talk to me. they never responded to anything i sent, so i deleted them too.
as did i with my in laws.
i do have to thank my aunt cathy, because she's sent Mike a few care packages. and it honestly does mean a lot to me because his own blood JUST sent him something, over halfway through. and not just for him, but his own platoon. which hurts me, even if it doesnt hurt him. 
but other than that... that's about all. no one talks to me anymore. no one really asks how I'm doing. [family wise.]
it's kind of like i fell off the planet to everyone i use to know.
and it use to bother me, but i have grown cold hearted.

Moving our to California, which i did almost a year ago.
[ohhhh! SIDE NOTE.
July 14th, 2010... which i forgot to blog about.
was the year mark that Michael graduated MOS school and flew home to Indiana.
it was officially the first day we started TTC! that memory makes me smile.]
it's shown me that, you never know what life is like, until you leave your hometown.
i have found my trust self.
true family.
true friends.
i have flown, and grown, and spread my wings.
and have become a much, much better person because of it. and all i really need, are my goofy ass husband, my silly baby boy, my tender hearted mother, and my carefree daddy in my life to get by. :D

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