Day Seven; One Week Down.

 

Day Seven; Operation Deployment.

it feels funny to say that i haven't seen my husband in a week.

it hasn't gotten any easier, i havent thought about him any less.

sleeping at night hasn't gotten into a better routine.

but here i am anyway.

i have made sure that i have gotten out of the house at least everyday, even to do the smallest of things.

and I'm trying to pull myself from the couch more.

I'm still exhausted from basically anything that i do.

i just want my husband home.

i woke up late again today, i really don't see this changing much. lol.

i went to the commissary and did good.

i spent exactly what i wanted to.

though it was on little things to hold me over until hopefully next paycheck.

then i went and got my free highchair from the Home Store. =]

i havent decided yet if i just want to juggle it upstairs and put it in the gear room, or actually set it up and be done with it.

regardless, i love it. it was such a nice thing.

i came home and made myself some spongebob mac n cheese and talked to my mom after a nap.

i swear i can never get a full nap in anymore because i jump at my phone everytime it rings.

dunny how that happens. i've ignored and slept through my phone multiple times.

Mike's gone and BAM, i'm completely tuned in

i watched "Love and Other Drugs"

and then the season premier of ABDC with Monique.

well, we were texting.

and giggling because had Mike been here, he'd be trying to copy the moves, thinking he actually has rhythm, can dance, or ignore the fact that he's completely and extremely white.

i promise babe, i can never forget the "sexy jerk" at D'Gidios!

 i still have some cleaning to do before Ryder gets here.

but i have officially turned off all Ry updates on facebook.

i was going to wait until Sunday but every day i keep getting question on the progress of this "labor" and when he's going to be here.

i don't really think people even come close to understanding where i stand right now.

it's a personal matter.

i shared the news of my last appointment AFTER i had talked to my husband about it first.

it's his child.

he isn't here and that hurts me to no end.

but he should be the one asking how my contractions are, if there is any.

or how I'm feeling, if I'm nervous, or scared, or excited.

not everyone else.

and i know that everyone ese means well, but I'm having a really difficult time him not being here.

Deployment would be fine, I'd be doing a lot better than i am right now.

it's the simple fact that i'm terrified to do this without my husband, despite my friends and support.

that it shouldn't have to be this way, but it is.

i hold my son in my belly so closely because of Mike being so far away. i think that's what made us bond so fast after we found out it was going to be a boy.

and now that he's gone.. it feels like something i just want to keep between the two of us. as best as i can anyway, never knowing when communication will come into play.

i just miss him, a shit ton.

one week down.

one week away from those loving arms of yours.

one week closer to kissing those soft lips.

update; full BOG. <3