Day Five; Just When I Needed Him.

Day Five; Operation Deployment.

i woke up this morning and my doorbell rang and there was 2 boxes sitting outside.

i got two care packages from one of my close friends Becky.

it really cheered me up from my off days lately. she sent me baby stuff, and cow outfits and they were sooo cute!

i know Ryders going to love them, and his bath toys, trucks, and books.

we love our auntie becky!

then i had my baby doctor appointment for 38 weeks.

it was scary, walking into the exam room by myself.

i knew i looked ust short of death, i had barely slept, i was in sweats and his baggie tee shirt and it was about 80 degrees outside.

and it was the same room we were in on Thursday, when Mike was there with me.

i got to see my regular doctor, and the whole appointment i was almost in tears. she's always been so kind and gentle, that didn't help at all.

my blood pressure was still a little high. Ryders heartbeats were in the 130s. his little noggin is RIGHT down there. she was poking his head with her fingers.

which kind of made me want to laugh. no wonder he didnt want to come out last week, daddy was too busy attacking his face! he must have been scared. haha.

i am still 1 cm dilated and 80% efaced. so now all we do it wait for a contraction and tell him to invite all his friends.

she said, since i was 38 weeks, i could have had my membranes stripped.

IF the procedure worked, i could go into labor and have him in my arms in about 72 hours. 

my heart started racing, i got absolutely terrified.

i told her no, that was okay. i mean, i still have things i need to get done.

was i really ready for all of this?

i mean, i know i don't have much of a choice now do i?

as soon as i walked out of the office though, i started crying. never, since we have been together, have i needed him so much. my heart had just torn in two.

at that moment i had no idea where he was, or when i'd talk to him, or even how i'd talk to him.

i sat in the truck and just broke down completely.

after i pulled myself together, i drove home. i couldn't keep my eyes open any longer so i decided to take a nap.

a little ways into my nap, my phone always being in my hand, it vibrated.

Mikey was online!

he asked me to get on skype, so i did and BAM, what a handsome face was there waiting for me!

that happy, smiling face that i love and needed to see so much.

even though it didn't last very long, i got to see his smile.

him being a goofbutt, wanted to see my belly, like it grew a ton in five days, silly.

he told me he loved and missed me before the internet connection started going bad.

i got a picture of hims before we ended the video call though!

again he had to get off before saying he'd talk to me later, but that was okay, i got to talk to him for a few minutes. i knew his whereabouts and he was safe and mostly happy.

it meant everything to me. and i fell in love with him, all over again. and i can see that happening alot in the next 8 months. =]

i but the car seat base in the car, made a commissary list for tomorrow, and i steralized Ryders bottles. i made sure i ate a little something even though i wasn't hungry, and i made some "bug juice"

then later sitting online, Mike signs on and he IMs me from facebook.

HI BABY!

he was back online. yay! just for a little bit. he had just gotten back from the gym and a shower. and we figured out that we are 13 hours apart. that was weird! it felt like a whole different world. 

we only talked for a few minutes but again, it felt amazing. i made sure he was okay, he felt alright, and what he needed from home so that i could send it to him. 

and then he was gone, saying he loved me and he would try to get on later.

all this adjusting is so weird. i know I'm already doing a lot better.

I'm getting through the days, even if I'm exhausted.

talking to him every other day or two helps, especially today, i was sad and i really needed him. i think he felt that, and found a way to talk to me.

i love him so incredibly much, i can't even begin to explain.

i can't wait to snuggle the mini hims. and i can't wait for the big hims to come home and we can be a family. =]