Day 97; ::swoon::

Day 97; Operation Deployment.

p.s. i REALLY miss putting pictures up on here everyday i post. :(

hopefully by this weekend my laptop is fixed and i can post properly!

Michael keeps makin my heart melt, i can honestly say i believe this is a huge breakthrough for us. and he is changing, and i do see hope.

and i am so glad that i didn't walk away.

i went to the mailbox yesterday, opened it up, and saw my husband handwriting.

a love letter from war.

in it, held one of the most romantic things i have ever read.

i parked the car in an empty spot, opened it carefully, and read every word. i closed my eyes and i felt him there. with every word he wrote, tears sprang to my eyes. my husband, my sweet, sweet husband.

his last sentence was,

"i will protect you against anything in the world."

remember that, because you'll be seeing it soon. <3

i fell in love all over again.

later that night he got onto Yahoo! and we were IMing. i hadn't expected him to get online. usually he calls on Wednesdays, emails on the weekend, and if possible, skype my Saturday night, his Sunday morning.

he told me that he sent me an email.

so i opened it up and i read it. below is a part of it, that just, melted my heart.

"Showing me how much you are willing to go far off no matter
the price or consequences to just see me for a moment or few days. I know i have said thank you but i dont think you really know how
thankful i really am for putting your neck out there so much for me and being there at all cost and times. I know i can never repay your
time and efforts that you put into everything but i plan to be your everything for now on no more screw ups except like not knowing how to
change a diaper or something in that area of course haha, but for real your everything as much as i possibly can. I know it is hard for you
just believe that but i plan to show and help you believe it over our time together because that is all that can help the ways things have
been. It has been really bumpy and ill just say etc but i still whole heartly believe you are my everything no matter what just have a hard
time expressing it towards you."

 ^^^that, is the man.

that i fell in love with.

:D

finally, a turning point in our relationship. no more fighting like we have been, no more wanting to leave. no more heartache.

or i'll shoot him with his own gun.

lol, j/k of course!

in our phone call this morning, he sounded out of breath. when i asked why he said.

"i was standing there in the shower, thinking of you. its funny, thinking about you with a bunch of dick around. i get into my bunk and i keep thinking about you and, OH FUCK! i told you i was going to call you. so i fall off my bunk and sprint to the phone, in my pt gear. and then, it's like, yeah. that's why i'm out of breath. not from the running, but from, you know, thinking about you and stuff. oh! and falling out of bed."

lmao. oh, my, Michael Patrick.

but in our phone call, i told him something personal that had happened to me. i knew he'd be pissed off, not at me, but the situation. Billy Burk is stalking my life, again.

and honestly, hearing Mike wholeheartedly worried for me, broke me down. but i assured him he has nothing to worry about. hearing him say,

"you have enough to be worrying about right now, he doesn't need to add to the list." shocked me. he's actually getting it. in the beginning of this Deployment and even after Ryder was born, it sounded like he believed i had it easy. but now he knows my life is far from.

gah, i seriously. love that man. and him for understanding everything i tell him. and how we have no more secrets. i am, so very happy.

i am so glad that things with my best friend, my husband, are turning completely around.

another issue i faced today, when i sit and think, which is far too often. is that.

all we really have, is each other.

i'm really tired of being nice to people that hurt me before, disrespected me before, and then are nice becaus they want to be in my sons life.

"family" i won't keep my son from, but does that really mean anything anymore?

whats the point when i never talk to them? when i'm ignored when i send messages and txts to see how things are going and i get no response?

that really bothers me. alot bothers me when it comes to my son.

My sons name is Michael Ryder.

the ONLY two people allowed to call him Michael, are me, and his dad.

we have chosen him to be called Ryder, and i wish that was respected.

Michael, is my husband. Ryder, is my son. they are two completely different people and i wanted my son to have his own identity, and Mike wanted to have his name carried on. so we met in the middle.

Ryder.

just like Michael, is called Mike. and I, Kimberly, usually go by Kimmy.

never Kim.

if you don't go around calling us Michael Patrick and Kimberly Sue.

[shoosh, Michael Patrick is what i call him and me alone.]

then please, do not call my son Michael Ryder.

i'm sure this will get back to my in laws somehow, and I'm attempting to be cordial.

but it really bothers me how they're still all close with people that have hurt me so badly.

not only that, but they're talked about, to me.

his mom always brings up Jon and the other day she was saying how happy she was for Mikes Ex, Kristine, to be married, and hos she was upset she couldn't make it to the wedding reception.

Kristine, is also the one everytone says Mike slept with when we broke up for that week.

trust me, if you saw her, you'd know it was a lie too.

i don't really understand why she felt the need to talk about my husbands ex, to me. i understand they're still close because they did date for quite awhile, but whats the point in telling me about it? and I'm a nice person, i can be fake too. what am i suppose to sit there and say? i don't give a damn? i just said it was nice and i'm sorry she wasn't feeling well enough to go.

it also makes me, extremely uncomfortable that Tiffany is still buddy buddy with Sable, the one that was "sexting" my husband shortly after we got out here. none of this is a secret to any of them. but clearly these females were in the wrong, and it goes not cared about.

if someone hurt my sister in law, even though we barely get along anymore, that's it. i wouldn't talk to them anymore. it doesn't matter how long we were friends. if they honestly got between Tiffany and Nick, or any other boyfriend of hers, i'd lay her flat on her ass for my sister. plain and simple. 

they say we're "family"

but family doesn't do that.

and once again, i am uncomfortable going to my own hometown because of what will more than likely happen.

Michael and i already talked about when we go to Indiana, we won't be staying at his moms, we won't be staying at my moms.

we will be staying at a mutual family members house, or getting a hotel. because that's fair to the both of us.

we have already talked about, there will be no drinking in front of Ryder, of Mike, or anyone else. i do not want my son exposed to alcohol in ANY way, shape, or form. that's how i was raised. my parents don't drink. my brother drinks, a lot, but i'm never around to see it.

so i refuse my son to ever see it.

Mike, already knows. this was his idea. he never wants his son to ever see him even tipsy. a beer or two after bed, fine. any more than that, he leaves the house. 

but when we go to Indiana, what the hell am i suppose to do? i already told Mike, i don't want his friends around. they're stupid, immature, i've seen them pushing Sables little boy around, i've heard them telling him to say terrible words, i've heard "my mommys a slut." come from that little childs mouth. i don't care if they only did that because they don't like sable, but i'll be damned if you even SWEAR in front of our son. he WILL repeat it, and my son won't be dirty mouthed like that.

and i know, Tiffany will bring all Mikes old friends around.

and if Chris is there, Sable is there.

no, thank you.

i will pick up my son, kiss my husband goodbye, and take off.

it's not fair that i have to deal with all this. and no one will respect what i want for my son. they'll give me some bullshit line like "oh, we've known mike longer, were gonna see him when he's here, blah, blah, say what we want about his wife, do what we want around his son."

so why, in all gods name, do i even keep any one of them around?

blood, means very little to me. i have been betrayed by both of my own siblings. i created my new family.

but i know, that all this fake bull, is because i had a baby.

i didn't have my son to be respected. i didn't have a son for people to be nice and expect me to forget all that's been said and done, and us grow closer.

that will never happen.

there will be a lot of changes being made. and i go back to statement one, when i found out i was pregnant.

i will always do whats best for my child.

even if you don't understand my reasoning, you will either respect it, or not.

and if not, then say goodbye.