Day 114; today sucks.

Day 114; Operation Deployment.

so, i normally, am fine with him being gone but today for some reason, it just freaking sucks. and not just him. i was looking at old pictures from jacksonville, and iy made me miss my brothers Nick and David too.

and last night at Lisettes, made me miss all the guys.

and this just fucking blows!

i fucking miss the day Mike had firewatch, so Parsons, Neu and i went and bullshitted around the mall until Mike got there. we were family. we were dickin around in borders being stupid. there never was any awkward moments.

i miss fucking PRICE, my canadian "husband" and Freddy the lizard. and us freaking walking miles and miles because we had nothing better to do. and seeing grown ups together.

i miss the friggen barracks, and Regis, Leclair, all the stupid jokes.

i miss those gay ass taxi rides.

and thinking back to boot days, i miss my Jovana. :(

my friend Kaileys boyfriend just graduated and seeing her pictures made my stomach turn into a knot. and the way things were back then. those two days at the MCRD, those night in the hotel with my old best friend. giggling and not sleeping because we knew we would see our guys the next day. and joking around about how we wouldn't recognize them. and sharing all our secrets. i miss her, more than she could ever imagine. i love that girl to death. we have been through SO much in the last two years. 

i miss Irene and her sharing her pregnancy with me, because she couldn't really with Josh at the time. and the look on his face when he first saw her belly at graduation.

i miss our effing booooooots!

i miss all the boot camp love letters, when we were just starting out. of course i love my war letters too, but they are completely different. i miss, everything about those days. we were crazy, crazy in love. how i would run to the mailbox everyday, and freak the mail lady out. and how, mail would come when i was in class and my mom would txt me, making up a code of some sort just to be goofy. and i would spend the rest of the day with a huge smile on my face. i carried those boot letters with me whever i went. i remember the dizziness i first felt when i saw him. because of the drama we went through while he was away, he didn't expect me there, in california. and i didn't expect him to still want to be with me. our first hug, as he drug me off the parade deck, us clinging to one another, and whispering "don't leave me" then pulling back, laughing, and asking what?! how we walked around on family day, iw as nervous as hell, i was quiet as a mouse, and i wouldn't eat. the sight of him just make my stomach all, weird. how we drank starbucks, and held hands, and he showed me off to his platoon buddies. and me pulling him aside and telling him, i didn't know how to get home from the airport because i wasn't allowed in jons car and he laughed and said, "yes you are. you're sitting on my lap"

and the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.

because his mom failed to let me know what plane they were one until TWO WEEKS before we were due in San Diego, i was seated nowhere near them. i was in the middle of the plane, and they were more towards the front. when mike found out about this, he kissed me and told me that it was all okay. i settled into my seat, near tears. shit he was on the same plane but i felt so torn from him. when he got on and looked at me, he stood in his seat, and motioned me to go to him. the man sitting next to him got up, walked back to me and said "ma'am, thank you for standing by him when he needed you the most. please, go sit with your Marine."

i'm still in awe over this.

we spent the plane ride sitting behind his mom and sister, cuddling and kissing and talking, and he fell asleep in the most uncomfortable position in my lap. he knew i didn't like flying and he held my hand the entire way. and he held his promise.

we all got in jons car, and i sat on his lap all the way home from Chicago.

i knew then... that he would never leave me behind.

i talked to mike about march 10 this morning. after the email i sent him, he wanted to tell me.

he promsied me, once again, that nothing happened with any other girl while he was home then. even if we were broken up, he couldn't stop thinking about me. that it was suppose to happen with one girl, they were in his room for a little while, but he couldn't get himself to do it, they talked for a bit, and he took her home and got dq. he told me he couldnt even finish it, because he was disgusted for even thinking of hurting me that way. that. he didn't even think about girls that week, he had enough to deal with. and then there was me, whom he couldn't resist. and whom he can't live without.

i love you Michael Patrick.

i miss you, so much.

i miss you Parsons, Neu, stay safe and come home with my husband.

Price, Leclair, hope youre having fun in OKI!

Jovana, i love you, and so happy things worked out for you, and youre happy.

and Irene, congrats on NUMBER TWO! :D