Day 70; Dear Ryder

My Dearest Baby Boy.

it's been a long time since i wrote you a letter, but Mommy has. and one day i hope you find these silly old blogs and read them.

inside each and every one of them, i hope that you find strength. know that Mommy has never loved anyone quite as much as i love you.

i love everything about you. your monkey fingers and your long toes.

the way you snuggle into my armpit when we're sleeping.

and how you giggle in your dreams.

i never would have gotten this far without you. you give me a strength i never believed i could ever find and you filled a place in my heart that i never knew was empty.

everyday i fall more and more in love with you. and every day you remind me more and more of your Daddy.

one day i hope you grow up to be like him, despite his stupid little ways. because one day a girl will come along and you're going to love her, through thick and thin, just like Daddy does. and never let her go.

but no one can ever love you more than Mommy! :)

i watch you sleep every night and it always seems to bring tears to my eyes. i am so blessed to have such an amazing little boy in my life. i love you every moment, of everyday. happy or sad. giggly or mad. you have stolen my entire heart and you hold me in the palm of your tiny hand.

as much as i never want you to grow up, i can't wait. i know you're going to be the best son i could have ever asked for. Mommys lover and Daddys little athlete.

i want you to know. that you, have saved my life. you give me reason to breathe, you melt my heart, and you remind me every morning, that i can get through yet another day. whether alone, or when Daddy's home, you're everything.

and when you grow up and look back, know, that you are the single reason as to why two people have held their lives together. two people that are so in love with your tiny being, that we couldn't ever be apart from one another. you hold Mommy and Daddy together. because not one of us can live a single day without you. everything about us want to work it out and give you the best possible life. you're living without Daddy for too long anyway. and i never want to have to put either of you through it ever, ever again. you are the reason i wanted to walk away, but even more so the reason i wanted to stay. you're such an amazing baby boy, you do things like that. you will never know how much you mean to me. and how very, very much i needed you. you came at a perfect time.

i love you, i love you, i love you.

i'll love you forever.

i'll like you for always.

as long as i'm living.

my baby you'll be.

Love, 

Mommy. <3