Day 53; I Did It All Right.

Day 53; Operation Deployment.

Day 30; Baby Ryder.

this past week i have been wrapped up in old memories of him and i.

writing our story in two composition notebooks.

our "memory day" books from day one of us being together.

old picture where he had hair, that motorcycle and skateboard.

the days where things were easy, and he was always next to me at night.

the times right after our first hello.

the times right before our first goodbye.

and all the days between the first and the hardest.

through all our battles aod struggles, second guessing or doubts.

there really is only one thing i do know.

from the beginning;

i have always loved him with my entire heart.

i have always done things right.

even if not everyone thinks so.

but when it has come to Michael, for the past year and nine months, i have loved him with ever ounce of me. i have always stood beside him and supported him, never in front of, or behind him.

i gave him the confidence he needed to join.

i followed him to wherever he needed me to be. and i was his courage when he was my strength.

i have given him a life he never could have imagined with anyone else, and that's exactly the reason why he chose to marry me.

it doesn't matter how long we knew each other, it didn't matter what anyone else said. all that simply mattered was how very much we loved on another.

i married my husband after nine months of knowing him.

he was here for three, gone for three, a ten day leave and weekends in between.

but all we needed were a few days, a few moments, laughs and giggles.

we knew by day two that we were going to make it through, so much more in life than we ever would have imagined. and we did it together.


i did it all right.
and most of all, i never gave up.
baby, i never will.


I'm going to get off here, and work on his next care package.
while listening to all our old songs.
and going through old pictures.
writing all our memories, for another sad and lonely day.
i love you, Michael Patrick. my whole entire world!

February 25, 2010.
i love you for you contagious laugh, that simple easy smile. that funny face in photos, memories that will last awhile. i love the way you look at me. when i'm sitting across the room. i love you for your beautiful eyes, that shine brighter than the moon. i love you holding me through every tear i have cried. i love that desperate kiss at each and every goodbye. i love the way you smile at me when we wake up side by side. i love that illy shotgun fart, okay, maybe that's a lie. i love it when you wash my hair, our bodies skin on skin. i love it when your eyes shed tears, it means you're finally letting me in. i love the way our bodies move on your ninja late at night. i love the way you cling to me, begging for things to be alright. i love the way you sign your letters p.s. i love you and forever forever. i love the way you know my heart, and that no one knows you better. i love the way you save me from the side effects of alcohol. like making sure i hit the toilet, rather than hitting the wall. i love the way your hand fits so perfectly in mine. and the mornings we wake up in our bed, so perfectly entwined. i love the way you hold yourself, wherever we may go. you walk to tall, so strong, so proud, i love how i've watched you grow. i love the way you make my heart race. when you're standing next to me. i love that you think i'm beautiful in just my sweats and your favorite tee. i love the very way you speak, every sentence and word out of place. i love the way you make me swoon, with such goofy romantic grace. every imperfection, and every tiny flaw. i love you for everything you are, and everything you're not at all. <3