Day 153; Almonds.

Day 153; Operation Deployment.

21.9% left!

[roughly.]

i have been falling in love with my husband all over again this week. 

last night he really upset me because, when i thought we were suppose to skype, he just sent me an email saying he was going to finish a movie with Nick, he loved and missed me and would talk to me soon.

right before he sent that i was crying, and i told monique, how badly i needed mike. and then i get tat email and he was offline before i got the chance to tell him i needed him. i stayed up all night until he called me. which was why we didn't skype. he wanted to surprise me with a phone call instead since it's been forever. by then, after i had written my blog and reflected some more, it didnt bother me anymore, so i didn't talk to him about it. after we chatted online about a few things that were still unclear to me about our past, i went to sleep and i guess he read my post from last night.

so, he emailed me.

he told me that, i could always go to him with anything. that he would forever me my rock, guardian, and protector. he didn't expect me to let go of billy in such a way, he understood it. and he would do whatever it took to help me get through. that i had never anything to fear anymore. with him there or here. because he would always have my back. and he would do what it took to make me feel safe again. michael met me when the bruises were still fresh. billy and i had just parted ways a little over two months prior.i had time to heal, and of course, mike helped me. but it still wasnt that much time to let it go before i started fresh. hence why i am still carrying it around like a ragdoll from the gutter. but as long as i have him honestly... life couldnt be better.

these past two years, i never really saw anything we had in common. but lately i have. stupid things.

we both love the same trail mix. however, we both pick out the almonds.

we have the same blood type. so we can totally give each other body organs and blood if needed. but i knew this awhile ago.

it just makes me smile so much how things have been going. and even though i have messed them up a little bit here and there because of the way i think and let things get to me. i am very much enjoying getting to know him better.

and him, oh, my wonderful husband. his honesty, and patience with me when i bring the past up. asking him why, and how he felt and everything. he's completely open with me and it makes me feel so amazing. i have never ever felt this way before. its honestly, a really, really good feeling. 

i trust him.

with my heart.

my life.

with anything i ever say.

any sort of feeling or emotion.

i trust that he won't ever hurt me again.

and his past mistakes, i know he beats himself up for. he now understands that he messed up, and he has changed. completely. because he wanted to. for me, and him, and Ryder. he's a very good man.

i would also like to say YAY BABY!

because in about, 45 minutes in Afghanistan, my husband will be;

Corporal Nelson, Michael P.

<3

i love you, babe.

you deserve it more than anyone i know. i'm so very proud of you.

stay safe and come home soon!